14> You discover that "Chesty McBust" isn't her real name, and she's dialing in from Langley, VA.

13> You: Large, hairy man.
Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man.

12> Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as "undeliverable" but as "unlikely to get you anywhere."

11> After months of shared experiences and emotional investments, she attacks you in the Mines of Quarn with a +5 Vorpal Sword when she learns you're worth 45,000 points.

10> "Returned mail: User unknown and never wants to hear from you again."

9> Your cyberlover is just too busy editing that silly little Top 5 List.

8> Getting perhaps a bit too comfortable, she lets a reference to cutting her chin shaving slip by.

7> You discover that she has been cutting & pasting her Makeouts.

6> You can barely make out your SO's face in the JPEG she sent because she's obscured by her 25 cats.

5> He claims to be the richest man in the world, but his GIF looks like some geek who works for a software company.

4> Since her first e-mail, [email protected] has become cold and distant.

3> She's suddenly changed her address to [email protected]

2> Ken Starr launches an investigation into your relationship with the mysterious "[email protected]"

1> In an ironic twist of fate, you discover that the object of your affection is a curvaceous 18 year old, rather than the geeky 14 year old boy she'd pretended to be.